This piece is a timely memorial to all the gorgeous women across generations who stood their grounds till they were found, and a reminder to the young women weary of the wait and particularly those who have bought into the erroneous dictates of currents trends- civilization- globalization- westernization-Americanization- or preferably, “errornisation”. (Check out Who needs tradition? Not me!)
I regard the young woman whose beautiful resources are yet to be discovered and tapped by the deserving man; I appreciate the elegant lady whose adorable heart awaits blossoming into a love so nourishing to the envy of all; I identify with the princess whose prince charming is somewhere out in the woods fighting off distractions just to get to her; I revere the queen whose fruits are ripe enough for harvest though her knight in shining armor is yet out of sight; I reason with the Rapunzel who has locked herself away in a high tower to protect her heart from being preyed on by callous men; and I salute the survivor of a “love” so wrong that letting go was the only way to salvage the shreds of her heart and self-esteem. Irrespective of where you fit in, my caution is simple: Let love FIND you.
Being loved and loving back is our thing; showing affection is our turf; building, grooming, nourishing and bringing forth good harvests is our forte but finding love has never been and will never be our business. What right do we have looking for something we did not loose? It does not matter what the time says or the intensity of the pressure heating us up on all sides, we remain missing ribs that must be found and no tradition in the world should tamper with our understanding of that. To start a search for love is to meddle in affairs we shouldn’t be meddling in, to look for love is to participate in a game we are not qualified to play. And it doesn’t matter how smooth it goes at first, we will always end up getting hurt and worse than we started out.
Yes, we have those days and nights. We have those quiet moments of cravings and longings; to be held and kissed and touched and stroked and whispered to. Those lingering emotions as we imagine and envision the love we honestly deserve. Yes, we deserve to be loved and of course, we have the biological clock that won’t stop ticking, but a love that doesn’t come to us, searching, begging, craving and fighting for us, will not and cannot stay with us. Flirting may be in, it may be the “cool” thing to do but check back in a few years and you’ll discover that waiting for the real thing is irreplaceable.
But what does it mean to wait? How do we wait for love? Well, I don’t know. We simply wait. We don’t wait idly, doing nothing. We do not vanish into obscurity and cease to make contacts with people. We simply place value on ourselves and build ourselves up in preparation for love. We groom and build character, deal with our weaknesses and fatten our strengths so that when love finds us we will be ready. We prepare to be worthy the blood and sweat of those honorable men when they arrive at our threshold. As we go about our business of self-improvement, we must leave behind an aroma of dignity that only kings can perceive and a trail of grace and virtue that royals cannot resist.
To pass time, men with seemingly “good intentions” will flock round us but we must do our best not to cast our pearls before pigs. It’s a hard truth but there is no return policy on virginity, and the soul ties of premarital sex is the last thing we want to carry around (ask Flo). It’s unattractive and encumbering. Besides, we deserve much more than we know we do.
No matter how difficult and obsolete it seems, we must never stop being the treasures that we are. Let it take persistence, diligence, genuine and pure desire, determination, energy and God’s approval to own you. This is not playing hard to get; it is simply understanding value and self-worth.
Above all, fellow missing ribs, let us continue to pray for our knights as they come searching. Let us guide them with our prayers even as we single ourselves out to be found. Let us own up to the errors of our ways and misgivings, and focus on the contents of our divinely-given job descriptions. Let us make today a defining moment where stop the futile and dangerous search for love by saying “Yes” to waiting and being found. If you are already found, ensure whatever you dole out in your relationship has been paid for having followed due process. Remember that there is no return policy on virginity, neither is there any warranty on time wasted in wrong relationships.
So, the next time you are asked about your relationship status, say “Single and waiting” not “Single and searching”. Happy 14TH OF FEBRUARY! I love you!